Chayei Sarah | חיי שרה | "Sarah's life "

What comes to mind when we think of trying to find a spouse? How does one go about trying to find a spouse?

In our culture, we believe that a person should marry whoever he or she falls in love with. How might this be a bad plan? It is possible to fall in love with the wrong person. It is possible to fall in love with many wrong persons. Why might falling in love be a terrible criteria upon which to base a marriage? Often times in our culture we express falling in love but what we really mean is attracted too or infatuated with.

With this in mind and thinking of our children or even our siblings can we understand why an arranged marriage might be preferred? What are some advantages of arranged marriages? Comparability (Families getting along, other older cultures understand this better/ America is still young and immature), suitability (same beliefs both religious and non-religious), Edifying (do they build each other up or break each other down?, Many of us may know people that are better apart than together), health needs.

With these thoughts in mind let us take a look at the the story of Issac or Yitshaq finding his wife Rebekah or Ribqah.

24:1 And Aḇraham was old, advanced in years. And יהוה had blessed Aḇraham in every way.

2 And Aḇraham said to the oldest servant of his house, who ruled over all that he had, “Please, put your hand under my thigh,

3 so that I make you swear by יהוה, the Elohim of the heavens and the Elohim of the earth, that you do not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Kena‘anites, among whom I dwell,

4 but to go to my land and to my relatives, and take a wife for my son Yitsḥaq.”

5 And the servant said to him, “What if the woman refuses to follow me to this land? Do I then take your son back to the land from which you came?”

6 And Aḇraham said to him, “Beware lest you take my son back there!

7 “יהוה

, Elohim of the heavens, who took me from my father’s house and from the land of my relatives, and who spoke to me and swore to me, saying, ‘To your seed I give this land,’ He sends His messenger before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there.

8 “And if the woman refuses to follow you, then you shall be released from this oath; only, do not take my son back there.”

It would have been easy for Isaac to fall in love with and marry any number of Canaanite girls. Why didn’t he? Because Abraham would not allow it. Abraham placed clear and specific limits around Isaac’s potential mates.

Why do you think Abraham would not allow his Son to take a Canaanite for a wife or to go back to Nahor? The Canaanites where not worshipers of YHWH and the land Abraham came from was full of wickedness. He did not want his Son to become corrupted by either.

Abraham had faith that just as YHWH had delivered him to this land he would deliver his Son a proper wife. This can be hard and any one that has ever had to trust that a spouse would be delivered to them knows this. The important point I would like for us to pull out of this is a spouse should be deliberately selected not emotionally desired. In other words let reason win the day not simple physical attraction or infatuation.

Let us next look at the servant Eliezer.

12 And he said, “יהוה, Elohim of my master Aḇraham, please cause her to meet before me this day, and show kindness to my master Aḇraham.

13 “See, I am standing here by the fountain of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water.

14 “Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, ‘Please let down your jar to let me drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and let me water your camels too,’ let her be the one whom You have appointed for Your servant Yitsḥaq. And let me know by this that You have shown kindness to my master.”

15 And it came to be, before he had ended speaking, that see, Riḇqah, who was born to Bethu’ěl, son of Milkah, the wife of Naḥor, Aḇraham’s brother, came out with her jar on her shoulder.

16 And the young woman was very good-looking, a maiden, no man having known her. And she went down to the fountain, filled her jar, and came up.

What is the first thing we notice Eliezer does? He prays. This of course is what we should do in all things. There is no greater action than taking our concerns to our Heavenly Father.

Next Eliezer watched and waited. Granted he did not have to wait long in the immediate case but think of the journey and the search. Think of how far he had traveled. It is easy to consider from one verse to the next was less than a breath for us but he traveled for days or even weeks to get to this place. We do not know even know how long he was in the city or the area.

Let us read what he did next:

17 And the servant ran to meet her and said, “Please let me drink a little water from your jar.”

The servant is quick to meet this potential Spouse for his Masters Son. He is already thinking of this person before he has even met her as some one significant to his masters and so significant to him. After this simple test to see if this is who YHWH had planned for Yitshaq he then begins to find out about Ribqah and her family.

22 And it came to be, when the camels had finished drinking, that the man took a golden nose ring weighing half a sheqel, and two bracelets for her wrists weighing ten sheqels of gold,

23 and said, “Whose daughter are you? Please inform me, is there room in your father’s house for us to spend the night?”

What does one think of this interaction? Is it strange that for the purposes of this marriage he is interested in her family and wanting to meet them? Why do you think this is important? He is making sure that she is available. He is making sure that she is a suitable mate. He is making sure she is healthy and well capable of starting a family. Abraham’s entire family is familiar with the covenant between YHWH and Abraham that he will become a nation.

31 And he said, “Come in, O blessed of יהוה! Why do you stand outside? I myself have prepared the house, and a place for the camels.”

32 So the man came into the house, while he unloaded the camels and provided straw and fodder for the camels and water to wash his feet and the feet of the men who were with him,

33 and set food before him to eat. But he said, “Let me not eat until I have spoken my word.” And he said, “Speak on.”

34 And he said, “I am Aḇraham’s servant.

35 “And יהוה has blessed my master exceedingly, and he has become great. And He has given him flocks and herds, and silver and gold, and male and female servants, and camels and donkeys.

36 “And Sarah my master’s wife bore a son to my master when she was old. And he has given to him all that he has.

37 “And my master made me swear, saying, ‘Do not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Kena‘anites, in whose land I dwell,

38 but go to my father’s house and to my relatives, and take a wife for my son.’

Eliezer is very intent on completing this task, he refuses to eat or rest until the task is complete, why? This is the fulfilment of the covenant. Maybe he realizes his role in the things to come. He is not just a benefactor of the covenant he has a direct hand in its administration and completion. Even the family of Nahor is not able to deny the hand of YHWH in this.

50 And Laḇan answered—Bethu’ěl too—and said, “The matter comes from יהוה, we are not able to speak to you either evil or good.

51 “See, Riḇqah is before you. Take her and go, and let her be your master’s son’s wife, as יהוה has spoken.”

52 And it came to be, when Aḇraham’s servant heard their words, that he bowed himself towards the earth before יהוה.

He remembers YHWH and worships without hesitation. He brings gifts of gold, garments, silver and gold to the family. What is this? Is he paying for Ribqah? Is a dowry a payment to buy a woman? Not at all. This is meant to honor the woman. So wondrous and great of is she to be a wife that the family that produced her should be showered with gifts for being able to produce such a bride.

54 And he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night. When they arose in the morning he said, “Let me go to my master.”

55 But her brother and her mother said, “Let the young woman stay with us a few days, at least ten, then you go.”

56 And he said to them, “Do not delay me, since יהוה has prospered my way. Let me go so that I go to my master.”

57 And they said, “Let us call the young woman and ask her.”

58 So they called Riḇqah and said to her, “Are you going with this man?” And she said, “I shall go.”

59 So they let go Riḇqah their sister and her nurse, and Aḇraham’s servant and his men.

60 And they blessed Riḇqah and said to her, “Let our sister become the mother of thousands of ten thousands, and let your seed possess the gates of those who hate them.”

After celebrating together and saying good bye Ribqah leaves with Eliezer. What do you think is going through their minds? Brides consider the nerves you had to see your groom the day you where married imagine if you where Ribqah, what kind of nerves might be present?

61 And Riḇqah and her young women arose, and they rode on the camels and followed the man. So the servant took Riḇqah and left.

62 And Yitsḥaq came from the way of Be’ěr Laḥai Ro’i, for he dwelt in the South.

63 And Yitsḥaq went out to meditate in the field in the evening. And he lifted his eyes and looked and saw the camels coming.

64 And Riḇqah lifted her eyes, and when she saw Yitsḥaq she dismounted from her camel,

65 and she had said to the servant, “Who is this man walking in the field to meet us?” And the servant said, “It is my master.” So she took a veil and covered herself.

66 And the servant told Yitsḥaq all the matters he had done.

67 And Yitsḥaq brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent. And he took Riḇqah and she became his wife, and he loved her. Thus Yitsḥaq was comforted after his mother’s death.

In the end we see that they are able to live together to their Deaths. I do want to point out that the “marriage ceremony” took place in Sarah Yitshaq’s mother’s tent. So why is this such an important story to the Hebrew people? The role of Eliezer is a highly valued role. To the Hebrew people the matchmaker is considered a Divine duty that is so important that even YHWH spends his time arranging people to meet and marry. It is also considered the responsibility of every Hebrew person to match potential mates together and when they work out to become a marriage it is a great work that has been completed. In Hebrew this work is called Tov Mitzvah good work. How do we feel about this in the modern day? Do we have a responsibility or better than that a privilege to try and find potential spouses for our Christian friends and family? What about our non-christian friends and family?